Infinite Loop Page 13

  “None?” Mel asked. “At all?”

  “I wasn’t very popular.” Regan took a deep breath, steeling her nerve. “Actually, I wasn’t just unpopular, I was tortured. I was geeky and awkward, and I lived almost entirely in my own head. I didn’t have any friends and…well, I guess I made an easy target.”

  “High school kids are morons.”

  “Don’t I know it.” I always knew it, but it never made it any easier. “My parents didn’t notice or didn’t care that I had no friends,” she continued. “I spent all my time in my room, playing with my computer. I used to wake up in the morning and just get sick about the idea of going to school, of facing all those kids.”

  “Kids never bother to look beneath the surface, and that’s usually where the most beautiful things are found.”

  “It would’ve made a big difference if I’d had even one person I could talk to,” Regan conceded, a little embarrassed that she still felt raw when she thought of that time.

  “It did for me,” Mel said. “Everyone else was just an acquaintance; I guess kind of like everyone has been since then. Well…until now.” It was obvious that she wanted to say something more, and Regan guessed what was coming. “Lauren was my first lover.”

  Regan’s stomach churned with conflicted emotion. Mel was opening up to her, and that was good. There had been a high school sweetheart, something she had never considered, and she burned with curiosity, wanting to know more. And she was jealous. The last surprised her with its brief, but intense, flare-up in her belly.

  “Wow.” Regan snagged a bottle of water from behind her seat.

  “It was only during our senior year.”

  “I can’t imagine having found someone back then,” Regan said. “As far as I was concerned, I was the only girl who liked other girls at my high school. Hell,” she snorted. “I was pretty sure that I was the only lesbian in the entire world.”

  Mel took the bottle from Regan’s lap and opened it for her. “When was your first time with a woman?”

  “My first time with anyone, in any way, was in college.” Regan shot Mel a grateful smile as she passed the open water bottle back to her. “With my ex-girlfriend Sarah.”

  “How long were you two together? And why did she ever let you go?”

  Regan grinned at the question. “We were together almost a year. She was a women’s studies major, kind of a free spirit, hippy girl. It was a good experience, and she’s a really wonderful woman, but we kind of mutually decided that we weren’t meant to be. I still talk to her occasionally. She lives in Grand Rapids with her girlfriend and their three cats. I get the impression that they’re the very picture of lesbian domestic bliss.”

  Mel traced her fingers over the bare skin of Regan’s neck. “I have to admit, I’m glad she let you get away.”

  “We were very different people. It would never have lasted.”

  “Lucky me,” Mel said.

  They slipped into silence for a time, and Regan concentrated on the merging traffic around a stretch of road works. Her mind kept straying back to the topic Mel had avoided earlier, and she finally decided to risk another question. “Why don’t you talk to your father much?”

  “He’s an asshole.” Mel stated it as a simple truth. “I can barely remember a time when he wasn’t an asshole.”

  “I’m sorry.” Regan wished she hadn’t spoken. In her impatience to know Mel on a deeper level, she was probably opening a wound. “We don’t have to talk about it,” she added hastily.

  “It’s okay. You’ll know sooner or later.” Mel paused, as if gathering her thoughts, then said, “Nothing was ever enough for him. If I got an A, it should have been an A+. If I made the basketball team, I should have been made first-string. It was worse for my brother. Mike didn’t have as easy a time with school as I did, and he wasn’t into sports like I was. It was really hard after Mom died.”

  “How old were you?” Regan whispered, sensing her lover’s pain and wishing she could find some way to ease it.

  “I was eight. She had cancer.” Mel turned and looked out the window, at the passing trees and billboards. “It happened fast. One day she was fine, and we were a happy, normal family, and the next, she was just gone. I guess that was a good thing. She didn’t have to suffer very long.”

  Regan swallowed back tears at the catch in Mel’s voice. “I can’t imagine how hard that would’ve been. Losing your mom so young.”

  “It was very hard, for all of us. Especially my dad. The day of her funeral, after we came home—he poured himself a drink, and I don’t think he’s been without one since.”

  “So you and your brother lost your mother to cancer and your father to alcoholism. That was very selfish of him.”

  “I never thought of it like that at the time. He told us how hard we were to deal with, what terrible kids we were, and I guess I believed him. I was sure it was because I never did well enough that he kept drinking.” Frustration seeped into her tone. “I just figured that if I could manage to be good, and to make him proud, that we could be happy again. I blamed myself for so much of his misery.”

  And she’d carried that burden into adult life, Regan realized. It explained a lot. Carefully, she asked, “Was he abusive?”

  “Sometimes.” Mel exhaled sharply. “He was always emotionally abusive, when he paid attention to us at all. He didn’t get physical every day or anything, but it happened.” She wrung nervous hands together. “It was pretty bad a few times.”

  “I’m sorry,” Regan said, not really knowing what to say to that. Her heart hurt for Mel, and for everything she carried around with her from her past.

  “I feel so stupid for still letting this stuff affect me, you know? I should be smarter than that.”

  “It has nothing to do with intelligence,” Regan responded. “The stuff that happens to us when we’re kids, it all shapes us, whether we want it to or not. All of that has helped make you who you are today; of course it’s still a factor sometimes.” She shot Mel a meaningful sideways look. “And for the record, I really like the person you are today.”

  “Thank you.” Mel’s voice shook. “I’m so glad you’re with me. It makes everything else seem so much less scary right now.”

  Hearing her struggle with powerful emotion, Regan decided, Okay. Pit stop.

  They were approaching a rest area, and she slowed and turned off the highway. Passing a small brick building that housed bathrooms and vending machines, she pulled the truck to a halt in an empty, secluded corner of the parking lot.

  “I just needed a hug,” she said and unbuckled her seatbelt. Leaning over, she pulled Mel into a tight embrace.

  “You needed it, huh?” Mel returned the hug, pressing a string of kisses along Regan’s hairline. “Or you thought I needed it?”

  “Both.”

  Mel tightened her arms around Regan, pulling her impossibly closer. “You were right.”

  Regan curled her hand around the back of Mel’s neck and leaned forward to kiss her. “I think you’re very brave,” she whispered against Mel’s lips. “I think you’re going to do amazing things with your life.”

  “You make me believe that.” Mel sounded slightly awed, as if the idea was brand new to her.

  Regan’s chest felt heavy with pleasure. She’d never done that for anyone before. It was the best feeling in the world.

  Mel gave her a soft kiss that somehow seemed to acknowledge they were crossing into new territory, then she drew back a little, her expression naked and trusting. “I don’t know how to tell you how much this means—being here with you…everything.”

  Regan cupped a hand to Mel’s cheek. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

  Mel smiled, then, as if making a conscious effort to lighten up, she said, “I promise I’m not always quite this dramatic. Sometimes I’m even a fun person to be around.”

  “Oh, I know that.” Regan waggled her eyebrows in lascivious humor. “I’ve had plenty of fun with you.”

&nb
sp; Mel allowed a lopsided grin. “You’ll have plenty more this week, I promise.”

  “I’m going to hold you to that.” Regan buckled her seatbelt and shifted her truck into reverse, deciding it was probably a good idea to get to St. Louis before dark. “Once we get that tent set up, in fact.”

  Mel laughed, settling back in her seat as well. “I guess I’d better make camping worthwhile for you in some way, right?”

  Regan grinned. “Right.”

  Chapter Nine

  “I’m going to need a schematic to make heads or tails of this stuff,” Regan grumbled, looking down at the pile of material and tent poles at her feet. “I don’t understand how we’re supposed to produce a tent out of these things.”

  “Don’t look at me.” Mel grinned over at her. She inhaled fresh air, gazing around their campsite. Tall trees loomed overhead, and rock formations provided a half-circle enclosure around the area they had staked out. “I’ve never put a tent together before.”

  Regan arched an eyebrow. “Funny, I thought you were supposed to be our intrepid guide to the great outdoors.”

  Mel walked over to stand behind her lover, wrapping strong arms around her middle and pulling the smaller woman against her chest in a relaxed embrace. “I was exempted from tent assembly during my last camping trip, because I was eight years old. I’m sorry.”

  Regan grumbled a little under her breath. “I forgive you.” She tilted her head, providing access to a pale neck, and drew in a quick breath when Mel claimed the proffered skin with gentle teeth.

  “We could just stand right here like this,” Mel suggested, nuzzling her face into sweet-smelling auburn hair. “Do we really need a tent?”

  Regan giggled in her arms, squirming a little but making no real effort to step out of the embrace. “I thought we had plans for that tent.”

  “We do.” Mel splayed her fingers across Regan’s slightly rounded belly and surveyed the tent materials. “You should have no problem with this—with your programmer’s mind and all.”

  “I’m pretty sure that logic has nothing to do with tent assembly.” Regan freed herself from Mel’s arms, picked up a pole, and manipulated it awkwardly.

  Mel grinned at the way Regan bit her lip as she puzzled it all out. Shifting on her feet, she also realized just how long it had been since they made love. At least twenty-four hours. Her patience with the tent evaporated. “I could just have you in the bed of your truck,” she said, leaning so close her lips brushed against Regan’s ear.

  Regan groaned and dropped the tent pole she had been holding. “Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.”

  “Who says I don’t intend to keep it?” Mel sauntered over to the green pickup truck that was parked at one end of their campsite and lowered the tailgate. She hopped up to sit on it, and swung her legs back and forth as she beckoned Regan.

  Kicking aside the unassembled tent with a careful foot, Regan came willingly. “Why do I have a feeling the tent isn’t going up anytime soon?”

  “Because we have more important things to attend to at the moment.” Mel pulled Regan close and captured her mouth in a hungry kiss. Her lover’s body was soft and deliciously curvy, and Mel ran bold hands over every bit of it she could reach.

  “I suppose this is more fun than struggling with that contraption,” Regan mumbled.

  Mel made a feral growl and she slid her hand under Regan’s T-shirt, up over her soft belly to a firm breast. Mel teased and pinched an erect nipple, then pulled sharply away when she heard the sound of a throat clearing behind them. Two women were staring at them with tentative eyes and sheepish smiles.

  “Hey,” Mel said.

  Regan turned her head in surprise to look at their visitors. When she turned back to Mel, a fierce blush colored her pale skin.

  “We’re sorry to interrupt,” the taller of the pair said. Her companion, a stocky woman with a blond crew cut, hid a quiet chuckle behind her fist.

  “It’s okay,” Mel grinned. She felt Regan turning around between her legs to face their visitors and wrapped her arms around her lover to give her a gentle squeeze. Don’t be embarrassed, she telegraphed to Regan. I’m not. “Five minutes later and I couldn’t have been held responsible for my reaction, but I think you got here just in time.”

  “Five minutes?” The stocky blonde shot them a suggestive smirk. “I would’ve given you thirty seconds.”

  Her brown-haired companion poked her in the side. “We noticed that you seemed to be having some trouble with your tent and thought you might need some help.”

  “Our saviors,” Mel said, scooting herself off the tailgate and standing up with Regan still in her arms. “I’m afraid we’re rank amateurs.”

  The blond woman stepped forward with an outstretched hand. “I’m Jay and this is my partner, Claire.”

  Mel shook hands and introduced herself. Hoping she wasn’t putting her foot in it, she added, “This is Regan, my girlfriend.”

  Regan’s beaming smile, her expression of pure delight, erased any doubts about that.

  “It’s good to meet you both.” Claire stood over the now neatly unfolded tent, a long tent pole in her hands. “Come on, Jay. The sooner we get this thing together, the sooner we can convince Mel and Regan to let us corrupt them for the evening.”

  The two women immediately fell into the easy rhythm of experienced tent construction, and, before long the pile of junk that she and Regan had been struggling with started to look suspiciously tent-like.

  “How about it?” Jay glanced up at Mel as they worked. “We’ve got a campfire, plenty of food, and two reasonably civil friends back at our site. We’d love the company.”

  Mel regarded Regan carefully, suspecting that this was just the kind of social situation that would make her really nervous. “We’ve been driving all day, so I’m not sure—”

  “Thanks.” Regan took the responsibility out of her hands. “That sounds nice.”

  “Voila!” Claire announced as she and Jay secured the last corner of the tent to the ground.

  “What do you know?” Mel said. “It really is a tent, after all.” She nodded at their new friends. “It’ll just take us a couple minutes to get our stuff back in the truck, okay?”

  “No problem,” Jay snaked an arm around Claire’s waist. “Take your time.”

  “You okay with this?” Mel murmured to Regan as she led them to the truck.

  “I’ll be fine.”

  Mel touched the small of Regan’s back. “I’m appointing myself the ambassador of small talk. Don’t sweat it.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  *

  Jay and Claire led them across the road that bisected the campground and along a forest path to their more secluded campsite. Mel kept her hand on the small of Regan’s back as they walked, grinning, and breathed in the fresh air. It was a nice change from the sight and smell of Woodward Avenue.

  “Gina and Ethan are probably wondering where the hell we are,” Claire commented as they made their way over a path almost overgrown with vegetation. “We were on our way back from the bathroom when we saw you guys playing with your tent.”

  “And each other,” Jay supplied.

  The comment made Regan’s perpetual blush grew deeper. Smitten at the sight of her lover’s rosy cheeks, Mel leaned over to plant a chaste kiss on one of them.

  “I’m warning you now,” Claire said, her voice low and conspiratorial, “Ethan is a shameless flirt, though essentially harmless. I say this because I guarantee that he’ll be trying to charm one or both of you all night long.”

  “Yeah, he’ll be thrilled that we managed to find two beautiful women in the middle of the woods.” Jay turned to walk backward in front of them for a moment, and threw Regan a wink.

  Mel gave her a wry grin. “Glad to be of service.”

  They approached an immaculately assembled campsite in a small clearing. The day’s dying light cast shadows over the three tents arranged in a semi-circle around an already b
lazing campfire. An attractive brown-haired woman sat on a canvas travel chair basking in its glow.

  “Ethan was ready to send out the dogs,” she called out and stood up as they approached, looking both Mel and Regan over with appraising eyes. “I think he’ll forgive you when he sees our visitors, though.” She offered her hand to Regan. “I’m Gina.”

  After the introductions, Mel said, “Claire and Jay found us having a little trouble with our tent—”

  “And a little fun with each other,” Jay quipped.

  “God, enough already.” Claire poked Jay in the side. “Anyway, we asked them to hang out with us for a while.”

  “Cool,” Gina said. “The more, the merrier.”

  A baseball cap-covered head poked out of the red tent furthest from where they stood. The owner flashed them a sunny smile and swaggered over. He wore a wide, flirtatious grin that was immediately trained on Regan. It wasn’t until he strode up to her and offered his hand that Mel noticed the transgender symbol emblazoned in white on his ball cap. He was attractive, and his confident blue eyes shone with that knowledge.

  “I’m Ethan,” he said, and brought Regan’s small hand to his lips for a gentle kiss. “Please don’t believe anything these ladies have been telling you about me.”

  “And if they told us you’re charming?” Regan found her voice.

  “Then they’re absolutely correct and I thank them for the accurate portrayal.” He turned to take Mel’s hand and gave her a wide smile when she shook his firmly, denying him the chance to repeat his chivalrous gesture.

  “I’m Mel and she’s Regan,” she said. “And for the record, they told us you would try to be charming.”

  “So how am I doing?” He gave Regan a cocky grin.

  “Don’t give up,” Mel advised him, hugging her blushing lover. “The night is still young.”

  Gina reached out and dragged him over to stand by her. “Come on, Ethan. Give the poor girl a break.”

  Ethan slid an arm around Gina’s waist. “So, uh…do you guys smoke?” He waggled his eyebrows and flashed white teeth.