Infinite Loop Read online

  “Serves you right,” said a drowsy voice next to her ear. “I woke up with my leg sticking out of the blankets and my foot was nearly frozen from the subzero temperature.”

  Regan opened her eyes and looked at her alarm clock. 5:54 a.m. No wonder I feel so wrecked. All-night lovemaking sessions seemed so much less draining in college. Not that I’m complaining. She smiled over her shoulder at a drowsy-looking Mel.

  “I happen to enjoy abundant air conditioning.” Regan lifted her leg just enough to allow Mel to slip her freezing foot between her warm calves. “Is that better?”

  “Yes.”

  “Besides, cold air conditioning makes the sensation of waking up warm in bed just that much more wonderful.” Regan extracted herself from their embrace and rolled over to face Mel, who cuddled into her. The position felt so easy and familiar, it was as if they’d lain together like this countless times before.

  “That’s funny,” Mel said. “I was just thinking that Regan O’Riley makes the sensation of waking up warm in bed just that much more wonderful.”

  Regan’s heart fluttered wildly. Any minute now I’ll wake up. I know it. But she didn’t wake up. Instead she laid her head on Mel’s shoulder with a sigh of quiet satisfaction. Bringing a hand up to rest on her lover’s flat belly, she traced lazy circles over the olive-colored skin with her fingers.

  “Can you feel it?” Mel whispered. She stroked Regan’s arm as she gazed around at the room. Regan peeked up from Mel’s shoulder, joining in the observation. Light shone in from the partially uncovered window and painted the carpeted floor with broad stripes. “Something’s different.”

  Regan cocked her head slightly, brushing her chin against a hard nipple. The shy awe in Mel’s voice brought sudden emotion to the front, and she closed her eyes, concentrating on the heartbeat beneath her ear. “Yeah.”

  Mel lowered her arm to rest on Regan’s hip. “I think it’s me.”

  Regan blinked hard. It’s all over. It’s only a matter of time before I’m completely, one hundred percent in love with her. She picked her head up from Mel’s chest and gave her a loving smile before capturing her mouth in a deep, soulful kiss. They spent long minutes trading tender kisses and murmurs, and then finally they lay facing one another, sharing a comfortable, peaceful silence.

  Minutes passed before Mel spoke. “So we’re going to do that road trip, right?” The unguarded enthusiasm in those gray eyes made her look younger than Regan had ever seen her before.

  “Right,” Regan said.

  “You think you’ll be able to get the time off from work?”

  “Are you kidding me? I have enough comp time to provide an entire impoverished nation with three-day weekends for a month.”

  With a laugh, Mel pulled Regan even tighter against her body. “So that’s a yes?”

  “I’ll request it today.” Her words felt stuck in her throat, which was suddenly dry. This is too surreal to be actually happening. “How about you?”

  “I had a good two weeks available before the shooting, and I think Lieutenant Jackson would be more than willing to grant me time off right now.”

  Regan pressed a kiss into the dark hair that tickled her nose, and inhaled deeply, reveling in her lover’s scent. “Everything’s going to be okay, you know.”

  Mel didn’t answer for a moment; she kept her face tucked into the space between Regan’s shoulder and her neck. Regan shivered when she felt strong fingers tickling a path down her spine, and then over the top of her buttocks. Mel pulled back and gave Regan a shaky smile, her steely eyes shining with emotion.

  “I know. I believe you.”

  “Good. Because I’m right.”

  Mel blinked and laughed. “So, how about we start working on that road trip after I spend a little quality time working on you?”

  Regan groaned as a firm thigh moved between her legs. “Perfect,” she said.

  And it was.

  Chapter Eight

  Mel threw open her closet door, a cordless phone balanced precariously between her ear and her shoulder. “Jane, you’re going to think I’m crazy.” She rifled through the row of hangers in front of her. How did one pack for something like this?

  “I’ve known you’re crazy for years,” Jane said with good humor. “Nothing would shock me at this point.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Mel snatched a long-sleeved Henley from a hanger and tossed it into her open suitcase. “Do you remember the redhead from the bar?”

  “The party favor?”

  Mel frowned. With her history, she deserved that. But Regan didn’t. “Well, we—”

  “My God,” Jane cut in. “Are you telling me you finally made it to a second date?”

  “And then some.” A bubble of laughter worked its way up Mel’s throat. She didn’t even try to stifle it, though she felt her face burn red at the uncharacteristic noise.

  Jane made a few sounds that might have been astonishment, or hilarity. Or perhaps dismay. “I guess I am shocked,” she finally said.

  “I know.” Mel grabbed a couple pairs of blue jeans from an open drawer, and then added some cargo pants to her small pile. “The crazy part,” she continued, drawing out her confession, “is the fact that I’m packing right now.”

  “Packing?” Jane choked out a delighted laugh. “Isn’t that some kind of lesbian reference?”

  “You’re such a pervert,” Mel said. Chewing on her lip, she crossed over to another dresser drawer and pulled it open. The reminder was useful.

  “I guess that’s why you’ve put up with me for so long.”

  “I guess so,” Mel tucked the harness and dildo she held into her black duffel bag, and then returned to the open drawer for a box of condoms.

  “So you’re packing,” Jane prompted. “And not in a sexual way.”

  The corner of Mel’s mouth lifted into a smile. “I’m packing for a ten-day road trip. With Regan.”

  “Redheaded Regan?”

  “That’s the one.” Mel sat down on the bed next to her open suitcase. “Crazy, right?”

  “Wrong. Where are you going?”

  “Southwest,” Mel said. “Regan said something about seeing the Painted Desert and Monument Valley. I thought it sounded kind of cool.”

  “It does sound cool.” Jane cleared her throat as if to say something else, but fell silent instead.

  “And?” Mel asked. They’d known each other six years and this was the most intimate conversation they’d ever had. She wondered if it felt as weird for Jane as it did for her.

  “When do you leave?” Jane asked.

  “On Friday, returning a week from Sunday.”

  “That’s a long time. She really must be something.”

  “She is. But she’s not the only reason I’m going. I need to get away—get some distance from work. I have to make some decisions.”

  “Oh,” Jane whispered. “Uh, wow.” She sounded afraid to say anything more.

  Hardly surprising. Every time her friend tried to have a sensitive conversation, Mel froze her out. When had she become such an asshole? “Jane—” She took a deep breath and forced the words. “I appreciate that you still care for me, after all this time, despite how much I’ve always tried to keep you at a distance. Thank you.”

  There was a small, strangled noise, and Mel cringed when she realized that Jane was crying. Straight women, she thought. She was perfectly aware that her derision was nothing but a weak defense mechanism so she wouldn’t become emotional as well. “Jane—”

  “No,” Jane interrupted, not allowing her to hurry past the moment. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  “Well, that’s a pretty sorry track record.”

  “There’s all the time in the world to improve it, though.”

  “Just be patient with me, okay? It might take a while.”

  Jane chuckled. “I’ve been patient with you since we spent half our first night as roommates sitting in that tiny dorm room with nothing to say to each other. I
f you’d had it your way, we’d never have managed to make it past the most basic of conversations.”

  “Hang on a second. I was living with a little blond chatterbox who wouldn’t let me brood in peace.”

  “You looked like you needed a friend,” Jane said. “Even if you never seemed to want one, I always thought you needed one.”

  “I do.” It was still hard to say the words. “And you are.”

  Again, Jane’s happiness was clear in her voice. “You are, too.” She changed the subject. “You’ll be back for my wedding, right?”

  Mel’s shoulders relaxed. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

  “I did address your invitation to Melanie Raines and date,” Jane said. “Not that I ever thought you’d bring one.”

  Mel could not suppress the lovesick grin that captured her mouth. “I’ll ask her.”

  “Good. Well, I should let you get back to packing. I guess I’ll see you in a couple weeks.”

  “Sure,” Mel said. “Thanks.”

  “Hey,” Jane said before they could exchange their goodbyes. “Feel free to call me before that, you know…if you want to talk, or whatever.”

  Mel smiled. A female confidante? Stranger things had happened.

  *

  “You’re nuts.” Adam’s voice sounded almost shrill through the phone. “You’re going to drive across the country with a woman you’ve practically just met. What part of that isn’t nuts?”

  Regan rolled her eyes as she steered her truck through the side streets near Mel’s apartment. “How about the part where I’m feeling things I’ve never felt before.” She set her lips into a tense line. “Or the part where I think I’m going to fall in love with her. You know me, Adam. You know this isn’t like me.”

  “That’s what I’m saying,” her friend protested. “It’s insane. I mean, I know you must really believe in this to be doing something so—”

  “Impetuous?” Regan suggested, a slight smile tugging at her lips. Come on, Adam. Be as happy for me as I am. “I can’t explain it.” Regan tilted her head to the side, searching for the words. She found them at the same time she found the driveway into Mel’s parking lot. “We’re just right for one another.”

  “I guess I can’t argue with that.” Adam gave in with a resigned mumble. “Just drive carefully, okay?”

  “I will,” Regan said. She parked her truck in an empty spot near the stairs that led to Mel’s second-floor apartment and tried to calm her breathing. This is too much. I think I’m going to throw up.

  As if Adam sensed her sudden unease, he said, “And don’t be nervous or think too much. She likes you. Trust me. Or she wouldn’t be doing something so, um, impetuous, either.”

  “Thanks. I know.”

  “Expect a call from me, okay? You’ve got to at least let me do the big brother thing and check up on you once or twice.”

  Adam’s voice was gruff; Regan was well aware that he was trying to hide his honest concern for her. Straight guys, she thought affectionately. “I always wanted a big brother.”

  Adam snorted. “And I always wanted a little lesbian.”

  Regan unfastened her seatbelt. “Later, wonder boy.”

  “Bye, geek.”

  She took a deep breath. Am I ready? She relaxed her shoulders, a grin of excitement overpowering her lingering insecurity. Hell, yeah.

  Loud rap music thumped through the walls of one of the apartments near Mel’s. Regan had never actually seen Mel’s place, had only dropped her off out in the parking lot. The building looked kind of run down—appropriate, somehow. She adjusted the army-green baseball cap that she had pulled backward on her head and tucked stray locks behind her ears, cursing her hair’s inability to stay where it was put. Her stomach twisted with nerves as she knocked.

  Fuck, what if she changed her mind? She stuffed her hands deep into the pockets of her baggy blue jeans. She would’ve called me before I came to pick her up, right?

  The apartment door swung open; a strong hand reached out, grabbed the front of Regan’s T-shirt, and pulled her into the apartment. Shutting the door behind them, Mel pressed her hard against the wood surface and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Regan moaned and wrapped strong arms around Mel’s neck, returning the kiss with undisguised enthusiasm.

  After a few heated moments, Mel drew back slightly. “Do you try to look even more adorable every time I see you?” She pressed her lower body against Regan’s, still pinning her against the closed door.

  “I didn’t even have time to turn on the patented O’Riley charm.”

  Mel nipped her lightly on the chin. “The only thing I find sexier on a woman than a Fraggles T-shirt is a baseball cap. Backward, especially.”

  “Hmm,” Regan murmured. “You don’t know how grateful I am that I seem to have good instincts about these things.”

  “Amazing, isn’t it?” Mel released her with obvious reluctance. “Did you get the tent?”

  Regan scowled lightly before smiling. “Yeah. I’m warning you, though, be prepared to protect me from wildlife. I am not someone who belongs outside for extended periods of time.”

  Grateful gray eyes made it all seem worthwhile. “I’ll protect you.”

  “Good,” Regan replied. “Tonight. Outside St. Louis, Missouri. I made us a reservation at a gay and lesbian campground.”

  “Really?” Mel sounded excited. “That’s going to be so cool. I appreciate you braving the nature for me.”

  How could I deny you when you told me that your only camping trip was also your last vacation with your mom, and that it was one of the best times you ever had? “Well, I know camping was a happy memory for you, and I want to help make the happy memories for your future.” She blushed at the honest sentiment as it spilled from her lips. Once again, ladies and gentleman, Regan’s heart is on her sleeve. Ta-da!

  “I have to tell you, you’ve certainly started off with a bang on that front.”

  Regan attempted a leer. “A bang, huh? Speaking of which—”

  “Oh, baby.” Mel compressed Regan against the door again, her body so close that Regan could feel hard nipples against her chest. “Is that a euphemism in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

  Regan laughed hard, right in Mel’s face. Mel looked surprised at the unrestrained reaction, but she shot Regan a wide grin then stepped back and picked up a large black duffel bag. She slung it over her shoulder with ease, picked up a pair of sunglasses from a small table, and breezed by Regan to open the door. “Come on,” she said, locking the door behind them. “We’ve got an adventure to begin.”

  *

  Regan finally broached the subject about fifteen miles outside of Michigan, on the road to Illinois.

  “You know, people quit their jobs all the time,” she said. “They change their minds, they figure out that they really want to do something else. There’s no shame in that.”

  Mel crossed one leg over the other, resting her calf on her knee. After a stretch of silence, she said, “I feel like a coward. I think about quitting my job and it feels like running away. I know it’s fucked up to feel so guilty about the thought of changing something I hate. But I do.”

  “Where’s the guilt coming from?” Regan took a deep breath and, trusting in their new bond, asked what she really wanted to know. “Is it your dad?”

  Mel stiffened noticeably. “My father hasn’t really been involved with my life since I left for college. We speak about once or twice a year.”

  Regan moved a hand from the steering wheel to touch Mel’s. “Someone can be a presence in your life even if they’re not physically there.”

  Mel shifted in her seat, her hand sliding away from Regan’s. The subject was closed for now, apparently.

  With anyone else, Regan might have felt rejected. But this was Mel, and she knew that her reluctance to talk wasn’t about them. “Mel, nothing you say is going to change how I feel about you. I know the important stuff already, and you’ve made the cut. The rest is just detail.”


  Mel barked out a helpless little laugh. “Goddamn, you’re perceptive. Between you and Hansen—”

  “Between me and Hansen, we’re going to get through to you one of these days. You’re worth caring about, even if you don’t see it.” Regan returned her hand to the wheel as the traffic around them began to pick up. She peeked over at Mel’s serious profile when there was no response. “How is Hansen, anyway?”

  This raised a slight smile. “I think the nurses are ready to send the grumpy son of a bitch home. He’s a junk food addict—thinks a couple weeks without greasy tacos is a fate worse than death.” Mel chuckled and looked out at the road again. “He was really excited for me. About this trip, I mean. I think he’s pleased that I’m doing something impulsive for a change.”

  Regan laughed. “He’s a bad influence, huh?”

  Mel turned and smiled. “He’s a good friend.”

  “I’m glad you’re getting so close to him.”

  “Me, too.” Mel was quiet for a moment. “It’s all so new, you know, having real friends. You, Hansen…hell, I think Jane and I might even be getting there.”

  “Do you like it?” Regan asked.

  “Yeah.” Mel reached out and put her hand on Regan’s thigh. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a real friend. High school, really, and even then I only had one. Her name was Lauren. We met when she moved to Lawton in the sixth grade. I don’t know how we got close, because I wasn’t close with anyone, but it happened. We were friends until the end of high school. She was the one person who really knew me. We talked, you know.”

  “Are you still friends?”

  Mel’s fingers stilled on Regan’s thigh for a long moment before resuming their easy motion. “We didn’t really speak after we graduated from high school. Typical story—we went to different colleges, you know how it is.”

  Quiet tension rolled off her. It was not a typical story, Regan suspected. Wanting to put Mel at ease, she shifted focus to her own less-than-typical past. “I didn’t have any friends in high school.” She blushed, still feeling the embarrassment that had characterized her adolescence.