Battle Scars Read online

Jack stopped sniffing Jagger and ambled over to the couch, nosing at Ray’s thigh. When she didn’t immediately take the bait, he rested his chin on her knee and gazed up at her with the soulful eyes that were always Carly’s undoing. Jack rumbled contentedly when Ray scratched behind his ears.

  “That’s his favorite,” Carly said. She got on her knees and took Jagger’s head in her hands. “Keep doing that and you’ll have a friend for life.”

  “Awesome.” Ray’s voice was so quiet Carly could barely hear her, but her pleasure at Jack’s enthusiasm was obvious.

  “And don’t worry about what happened up front. A lot of clients who have service animals feel uncomfortable being separated from them. I’ll make sure to remind Joyce that a service animal isn’t just a pet.”

  Jack hopped up onto the couch and crawled across Ray’s lap, flopping onto his side so she would have better access to his belly. Ray rubbed him with both hands, and Carly could see the beginnings of a brilliant smile tugging at her mouth.

  “If he’s bothering you…” Carly said, mostly because it seemed like the right thing to do. It was clear that the last thing Ray felt was bothered.

  “Not at all,” Ray said. “He’s helping me, actually.”

  Carly returned her attention to Jagger. “His face is pretty swollen. It looks like he’s having a reaction to whatever got him. Was he in the water at the time?”

  “No. We were walking on the beach, near some rocks. He stuck his face in some brush, then yelped and jumped back. Something bit him, but I didn’t see what it was.”

  Carly tilted his chin toward the early evening light that shone in through the office’s only window. After a few moments of examining the swollen area, she straightened. “Aha.” She retrieved her car keys from her desk drawer, plucking the tweezers from her Swiss Army knife. “I found the stinger. Looks like a bee or a wasp.”

  “Is it serious?”

  “No, I don’t think so.” Carly knelt in front of Jagger again and carefully extracted the stinger from his muzzle. “He doesn’t appear to be in any distress, but I’ll give him some Benadryl to counteract the swelling. It could spread to his throat and make it difficult for him to breathe. The Benadryl will help, and you’ll need to keep an eye on him until the swelling goes down to make sure he’s doing okay.”

  “All right.” Ray was rubbing her thumbs in circles over Jack’s cheeks while he lay prone in her lap. She exhaled slowly, staring at Jagger. “Okay.”

  “Jack’s not going to want to come home with me when you’re through with him,” Carly said lightly, cracking a smile at what an adorable pair the two of them made. To avoid allowing herself to linger too long on thoughts of how Ray McKenna was no less attractive this time around, panic attacks and all, she stood and returned the tweezers to her knife. “He really likes you.”

  “He’s a gorgeous dog. Sweet, too.”

  “He is.” Carly looked at Jagger and tried to decide what to do. She didn’t want to keep her next patient waiting, but calculating and delivering the correct dosage of Benadryl for such a big dog would take a few minutes. “We need to give Jagger some medicine, but I’m due to see a patient right now. I can either take him back with me and let one of the vet techs take care of him, or I can ask the tech to get the medicine ready and come give it to him in here, with you.” She saw Ray swallow, looking at Jagger, then at the door. “Your choice. Whatever makes you most comfortable.”

  “I guess you can take him back,” Ray said after a moment, sounding less than certain about her decision.

  “You sure?”

  “I just…I haven’t been separated from him since I got him.”

  “I promise to make this Susan’s top priority. It won’t take long.”

  “Okay.” As Ray nodded, her face became resolute. “It’s fine.”

  Carly wasn’t fooled. This would be a difficult task for Ray, and though Carly knew she could never fully understand, she empathized enough to know that Ray needed a little help to get through it. Jack seemed like the perfect candidate.

  Walking Jagger to the door, Carly said, “Listen, do you mind keeping Jack company while we take care of Jagger? I intended to take him for a walk, but I didn’t have time. He’s starved for attention, as you can tell.”

  “Yeah, that’s what he told me.” Ray smiled shyly. “I’d love to hang out with Jack, Dr. Warner. Thanks.”

  “No, thank you. You’ll be doing me a favor. And call me Carly, please.”

  “Okay.” Ray caught her sunglasses in her hand and pulled them off quickly. Her eyes shone with so much emotion that Carly’s heart nearly stopped. “Thanks, Carly. For everything.”

  “Not a problem, Ray.” Carly tugged on Jagger’s leash, leading him to the door. “Jagger will be just fine. And we’ll be back shortly.”

  Chapter Five

  After Carly left the office, Ray sank back against the couch cushions and groaned. “Goddamn it,” she whispered to herself. “I’m fucking hopeless.”

  Just an hour ago, she had been celebrating a major triumph. Finally they’d made it to the beach, and she had stayed calm enough to explore a bit rather than immediately head for home. How proud she had felt as she strolled down the shore, Jagger at her side, almost like a normal person again.

  And now here she was in Dr. Warner’s office, nursing her mortification at making an absolute fool of herself in front of no less than four people. Including Dr. Warner.

  Ray slammed her head back against the cushion, wishing it hurt more. She was in the mood for self-punishment. “I am such a loser.”

  She couldn’t explain her reaction to Jagger’s injury. After spending a year elbow-deep in the most horrific wartime wounds, she had suspected this wasn’t a huge crisis. After all, Jagger seemed fine, if a little goofy-looking with his swollen face. But the yelp he’d let loose when he was stung sent her into a wild panic. Something terrible had happened, just as she thought it would. Maybe it wasn’t a roadside bomb or a physical assault, but her body reacted as though it were.

  The tears that burned their way to the front made her feel even more ashamed. Great. She closed her eyes, already picturing the trembling, sobbing mess she would be when Dr. Warner returned. That was the last thing she wanted. She liked Dr. Warner—Carly—a lot. And she cared deeply about what Carly thought.

  Focus. Ray coached herself, breathing out through her nose. As though sensing her distress, Jack quickly stood up in her lap and nuzzled her face with his wet nose. He whined, a strange sound that came from the back of his throat, then pawed her arm.

  Opening her eyes, Ray couldn’t help but laugh at the earnest expression in his chocolate brown eyes. “Okay, okay. I get it.” She redoubled her petting efforts, and he slumped against her, thumping his tail against the couch cushion. “Thank you.”

  Ray stared at Jack, completely charmed. His pretty coat was brown, with a white chest and stomach. His black muzzle faded into freckled white around his nose. Ray assumed he had never undergone any type of service-animal training, yet he seemed to instinctively know what she needed. Amazing.

  “Your mommy raised you well,” Ray murmured, then gave his ear a quick kiss. “She seems like a pretty nice lady.”

  Jack drew in a breath then sighed deeply, flopping onto her lap again. He looked up at her as though to say, “Just relax.”Remarkably, that’s exactly what she began to do.

  Closing her eyes, Ray did her somatic breathing exercise, inhaling deeply from her diaphragm, then exhaling. Once she felt centered, she opened her eyes and allowed her gaze to travel over her surroundings.

  Nobody could accuse Carly Warner of being a neat freak. Ray smiled at the short, disordered stacks of papers and magazines covering the large wooden desk that sat opposite the couch. The tall bookcase next to the door was crammed to bursting with precariously balanced medical and animal-related volumes. A dog bed sat in the corner next to Carly’s office chair, and the floor was littered with chew toys. An empty food dish and a half-full water bowl rounded
out Jack’s presence in the room.

  Ray glanced down at the sleeping dog in her lap, chuckling at his peaceful expression. He cracked an eyelid, then stretched.

  “You’re a lazy guy, aren’t you?” Ray scratched his belly, and he yawned as though answering in the affirmative. “Jagger’s pretty lazy, too. I believe the technical term is ‘couch potato.’ I think you two would get along just fine.”

  A light knock on the office door startled Ray badly. She jerked, waking Jack but not dislodging him from her lap. Heart pounding, she called out, “Yes?”

  The door opened and Jagger poked his enormous head inside. At the sight of his steel gray fur, Ray relaxed. His face was still swollen, but he seemed in good spirits.

  “Well, Mom, Jagger was a very good boy.” A smiling Carly followed Jagger into the room, tugging her hair out of her ponytail as she walked. “Took his medicine like a champ. You should see a reduction in swelling within an hour.”

  “Great,” Ray murmured. Strawberry-blond locks fell just past Carly’s shoulders, and Carly dropped Jagger’s leash and swept her hair aside to squeeze the back of her neck. Settling onto the couch next to Ray, Carly sighed and rolled her eyes at Jack.

  “You’re just embarrassing yourself at this point, buddy.” Carly gave Ray a tired grin, then carefully patted Jack’s side. Her hand came close to Ray’s thigh, closer than Ray had let nearly anyone since Iraq.

  Ray was pleased by the ease with which she was able to accept Carly’s presence at her side. Her instinctive reaction to Carly’s touch in the waiting room had deeply disturbed and humiliated her. What a relief to find that she could hold it together now. Almost like a normal person, came the familiar self-deprecatory thought.

  Ray looked up to meet Carly’s gaze, ready to confess her instant love for Jack, and realized how attractive Carly Warner was. Never one to dwell on another woman’s beauty, Ray was inexplicably tongue-tied and more than a little nervous. So much for normalcy.

  Body tense, Ray tried to move on without calling attention to the fact that she had just been struck dumb. She had been about to say something. What was it?

  Coming to her rescue for a countless time, Jagger loped up to her and dropped his heavy head on her shoulder, nuzzling into her neck. Ray couldn’t help but chuckle at the familiar display of affection.

  Carly brought a hand to her mouth as though trying to suppress the grin that formed behind her fingers. “Oh, my God, that’s adorable.”

  After she kissed him on the cheek, Ray said, “He’s just a big baby.” She was proud of her relationship with Jagger. Her strange moment of anxiety passed and she was able to speak again. “Thank you so much for your help today, Carly.”

  “You’re very welcome. Thanks for keeping Jack company. He definitely appreciated it.”

  Ray stroked the side of Jack’s face. “I appreciated him. He’s a really good boy.”

  Jack’s tail twitched, then began to thump a steady rhythm against Carly’s thigh. Ray recognized the look of pleasure on Carly’s face. “He’ll do in a pinch.”

  With a noisy yawn, Jack picked himself up and lumbered across the couch, only to collapse once again in Carly’s lap. Carly bent to kiss his head, scratching his chest lightly.

  “I think you’re still number one,” Ray said, observing their closeness with a warm heart. “But I was happy to borrow him for a while. And I’ll be honest. He really helped calm me down.”

  “Yeah?”

  Ray nodded, feeling shy about where she was taking the conversation, but at the same time wanting to tell Carly how incredible Jack had been. “Jagger helps me calm down, you know, when I get overwhelmed. And Jack did the same thing. I don’t know if he’s ever had training for that kind of thing—”

  “He hasn’t,” Carly said quietly, gaze locked on Ray’s face.

  From the look in Carly’s eyes, Ray knew she was putting together just what Jagger’s role in her life was. Trying hard not to dwell on what Carly might be thinking, she said, “Well, he’s a natural. I was pretty upset after you took Jagger, and he knew exactly what to do.”

  Carly kissed Jack on the head again, closing her eyes briefly as she did. “Dogs are amazing, aren’t they?”

  “They really are. I don’t know what I’d do without them, honestly.”

  Jagger took a step backward, then extended his neck so he could sniff Jack. Obviously sensing the scrutiny, Jack licked Jagger’s jowls. Ray watched them, happy to see that Jagger knew how to make friends even if she didn’t.

  “I think they like each other,” Carly said. She petted Jagger’s head, then Jack’s.

  “Looks that way.” Ray wondered whether she should start asking about payment. Surely she had overstayed her welcome.

  “We should get them together for a play date sometime,” Carly said suddenly. She kept her eyes on Ray’s face, obviously searching for a reaction. “You’re new to the area, right? Does Jagger have any other doggy friends yet?”

  Ray’s cheeks warmed under Carly’s scrutiny. “No.” Uncharacteristically candid, she said, “We don’t really know anyone here.”

  “So what do you think?” Carly said, giving her a careful smile. “I could make dinner. The dogs could hang out.”

  Ray was unsure what to say. The last thing she had expected was a social invitation. Why in the hell would someone like Carly Warner want to have dinner with her? Ray’s hackles rose. Was she simply curious about the media story? Or did Carly want something else from her?

  “Do you know who I am?” Ray asked. She studied Carly’s face, trying to discern her motives. It’s not like she had given Carly many legitimate reasons to want to have dinner together, freak that she was.

  “I’ve read the news stories, if that’s what you’re asking,” Carly said in an even voice. “But I wouldn’t say that I know who you are, Ray. I was kind of hoping to, though. If you’re willing. I’m relatively new to Bodega Bay, too, and I could use a friend. I thought…maybe you could, too.”

  A friend. Ray was stunned silent. This was the last thing she had expected to find when she packed up and moved across the country. It wasn’t a good idea. She was a mess, after all. A fucked-up, embarrassing mess. How could she be anyone’s friend? Was it even possible, at this point?

  A small piece of her, the part that remained from before Iraq, remembered what it was like. The old Ray would have loved the idea of going to Carly’s house for dinner and letting her dog hang out with a canine pal. Even her new, damaged self couldn’t deny the idea’s appeal. But she was probably fooling herself. She was far too screwed up. She would only scare Carly away.

  No negative predictions. Ray could almost hear Dr. Evans’s voice in her head, and she tried to imagine what her therapist would make of this unexpected development. Oh, hell, who was she kidding? Dr. Evans would tell her that accepting the dinner invitation was the best possible thing she could do.

  Shoving aside the nagging voice of self-doubt, silencing the alarm bells ringing in her skull, Ray reached deep down and drew upon what courage she had left. If things were ever going to change, she would have to be the one to make it happen. “Dinner would be great.”

  Carly looked pleasantly surprised. “Really?”

  “Sure. It sounds like…fun.” Ray winced, all too aware that she sounded like she’d rather have her toenails removed one by one. “You’ll have to forgive me. I haven’t been out much since I got home.”

  “I’d say I understand, but I’m sure I don’t.” To her credit, Carly acted as though Ray wasn’t hopelessly awkward at this sort of thing. “Do you like Italian food?”

  “I love it.”

  “Are you free Friday night?”

  “Let me check my calendar.” Ray rolled her eyes at the absurdity of the thought. They shared a chuckle, and Ray reveled in the warm glow their unlikely camaraderie produced. “Yeah, I’m free.”

  Chapter Six

  “So this is a date?”

  Carly sighed at the predictability of her best
friend’s question. For the past year, Leeann had made it her mission to get Carly “back in the game.” Pity Carly had to disappoint her. “No, it’s definitely not a date. Just a friendly dinner. She’s straight.”

  “That’s what they all say.”

  “And some of them mean it.” Balancing the phone precariously on her shoulder, Carly tossed an errant dog toy onto Jack’s bed. Ray was due for dinner in fifteen minutes, and Carly was still trying to get her house in order. “Seriously, I doubt that romance is a high priority for Ray right now. With a man or a woman.”

  Leeann sighed. “Well, at least you’ve found a kindred spirit.” In a slightly muffled voice, as though she was covering the phone, she said, “I’ll have an Anchor Steam, please. Why, thank you. I’d be delighted.”

  When it was clear Leeann was listening again, Carly asked, “Get carded?”

  “Bless his heart.”

  At thirty-two, Leeann looked like she was in her early twenties. But she met requests to show her ID with the enthusiasm of a woman twice her age. Carly chuckled as she shelved a stack of books that had been scattered across her coffee table. “Starting a bit early tonight?”

  “I’m meeting my accountant for a drink.”

  “Business or pleasure?” Carly already knew the answer. Leeann didn’t pursue business on Friday nights.

  “She’s lovely. You’d like her.”

  “I’m sure I would.”

  “So, Ray McKenna. Interesting. What’s she like?”

  “Shy. Lonely, I think. I really don’t know a lot about her, but I get the feeling we could be friends.” Carly walked into her bedroom, casting a critical eye at the pile of freshly laundered clothes she hadn’t yet put away. But dinner wouldn’t make itself, and she didn’t need to worry about how her bedroom looked. She and Ray wouldn’t end up in there tonight. “She has the most beautiful blue Great Dane.”

  “Ah.” Leeann sounded as though she’d figured something out. “A dog lover, huh?”

  “She is.”